


unfurl, wilt

by ewagan



Series: Sportsfest 2018 [20]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 02:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15572136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewagan/pseuds/ewagan
Summary: You wonder how you’re going to hide it this time, or if you will spend the rest of your life half in love with Nanase Haruka.





	unfurl, wilt

**Author's Note:**

> Most likely to hide their feelings for as long as possible: Filler's pick
> 
> prompt [here](https://sportsfest.dreamwidth.org/10320.html?thread=1770832#cmt1770832)

There’s a point where it starts, the slow bloom of feelings in your chest, the taste of blood in your throat. He’s not looking at you, he never looks at you. But you’re convinced he sees you sometimes, properly. You don’t know what to do when you cough up the first petal, a bright sunny yellow flecked with blood. Instinctively, you know they are sunflowers, growing around your heart and filling up your lungs.

The first leaves are beginning to fall, and the sunflowers are still in bloom. You are hopeful for your future, for the days to come, for the new friends you have made. You can live with this for now, know that at least he knows who you are and that he’s looking at you. You make a wish on a falling star, for your future, for the future you hope for.

You make one more, for these feelings growing in your chest and hope that it isn’t too greedy of you to want this much.

 

* * *

 

Winter comes in slowly, your autumn days unravelling as you run, as you join your brother when he goes to practice at the local pool. You are learning how to be with him again, smoothing over the jagged edges of all your hurts and insecurities. You can’t fix everything, but you can patch it up, make it work again.

He realises it when you cough just a bit too hard after one of your swimming practices. “Nanase, huh?” he asks. But he doesn’t wait for you to answer, just rubs your back like he used to when you were sick as a kid. “It’s easier if you don’t think about it.”

But you’ve never known how to do things halfway, even when conflicted about what to do. So you throw yourself at Natsuya instead, and he hugs you like he hasn’t in a long time.

 

* * *

 

He’s not looking at you again. You know it, the moment you see him after school starts after the new year. Something has happened, and when he announces he’s quitting the swim club, you can feel something ugly rear up in your chest.

You yell, because you’ve never known how to do anything half heartedly. Disappointment wells over in the form of tears, tasting like blood and broken promises.

You look away, you refuse to look anymore.

 

* * *

 

The first time you see him in years, he apologises.

You tell him to forget about it.

It doesn’t matter anymore.

 

* * *

 

When you get home, there’s a text from Hiyori already, but you don’t look at it. Instead, you can feel it again, an itch you haven’t felt in a long time, tickling the back of your throat. You cough and cough, until your hands are full of blood and petals.

In the middle of it, there’s a sunflower, almost perfect and the size of your palm. You wonder how you’re going to hide it this time, or if you will spend the rest of your life half in love with Nanase Haruka.

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments and kudos appreciated. <3 you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ewagan)


End file.
